It's been awhile. I needed time away from myself, the grief, being sad. And it was freeing. December, at long last, is here. November is gone. Our tree is up, our lights are twinkly, and best of all things- 2007 is on its' last legs, weeks from disappearing into the past. The past weeks have brought new peace, new hope, and fewer tears.
November 27 came and went. And I was okay. I cried a bit, I shopped a lot, I drank just enough to blur the lines as the evening fell, surrounded by good friends both old and new, each aware of the sadness of that day but each there to carry on as if this was a run of the mill Tuesday night gathering. And I woke up the next morning feeling a bit lighter knowing "THE DATE" wasn't still looming ahead. I'm not saying I'm all better, I'm not saying the "old Mandie", whoever she is, is back. The only way I can think to describe it is my grief no longer fits like it did before. It's like a piece of clothing that once slipped on comfortably every day, it's still familiar and mine, but just not quite right for me any more. Our babies, obviously, are as missed today as they were in May and September and all the crappy days in between. But they're loved in a way that allows me to step forward. Cautiously, optimistically, eons older and wiser and kinder than the girl who accidentaly started this journey 9 months back.
3 comments:
I love the name Ralphie for your cat!! :) Is it specifically for A Christmas Story?!
If we lived nearby, I'd love to give you a hug right now... I know it hasn't been easy lately for you...
Beautifully written, Mandie! I'm glad you're back to writing. And I'm so glad November is over for us! Bring on Christmas and 2008!
Hugs, Mandie! You are a great writer. Wishing you happiness in 2008. Glad to hear you are feeling a little better.
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