I've decided to try my hand at this whole blog thing. I enjoy talking (about me) and internetting, and figure I could use a place to empty my head. Journaling was another option, but it hurts my hand.
Where to start. I feel like you (all 1 of you who are lost and/or so bored that you care to read my ramblings) need to know the basics. I'm 26, an Aries, proud "mama" to a herd of pets like no other, and married to quite possibly the kindest, cutest man in Texas. Or the whole US. Or...well, you get it. He's fantastic. We had life all figured out by the ripe old age of 23 in Rhinelander, WI. He had a promising career in the car business, my real estate career was going nowhere but up, and we had the cozy house, the adorable dogs, the spoiled cats, and the predictable comfortable future. Then we got bored. We missed city life. I missed SuperTarget. We wanted to move, and we wanted to move now. Forget snow, forget predictability, forget cheese and beer. Sold the house, quit the jobs, packed the pets, and to Texas we went. Austin, to be exact. We found home in September 2006. This city fits us and we don't plan to leave.
2007 dawned on us (Mandie & Jonathan) as a normal, happy, content mid-20-something couple. We toasted to a new year in Playa Del Carmen, totally oblivious to what the months ahead would bring or how they were about to change us. We knew kids were in our future (or, we sure hoped they were). Exactly when "our future" was was up for debate, "by 30" I would say, meaning "27". "Or 35" Jonathan would add, meaning "40". No hurry, but definitely an exciting prospect. Then March came, and a fun night out on 6th street, and exactly 2 weeks later I found myself shaking in the bathroom at 4am with a stick most definitely featuring two lines. Two pink, pregnant, life changing lines. NOW we'd done it! I immediately took to the mommy-to-be role, devouring 6 or so pregnancy books the day the test turned pink and immediately clearing the kitchen of any evil food that could possibly, theoretically hurt this new life (buh-bye, Diet Dew...see ya, feta cheese). And Jonathan, he came around when the hyperventilation slowed and he could see straight through his frightened tears. We had it all! Brand new house, a steady job (uh, his), young healthy parents.....November 27 couldn't come soon enough.
Where to start. I feel like you (all 1 of you who are lost and/or so bored that you care to read my ramblings) need to know the basics. I'm 26, an Aries, proud "mama" to a herd of pets like no other, and married to quite possibly the kindest, cutest man in Texas. Or the whole US. Or...well, you get it. He's fantastic. We had life all figured out by the ripe old age of 23 in Rhinelander, WI. He had a promising career in the car business, my real estate career was going nowhere but up, and we had the cozy house, the adorable dogs, the spoiled cats, and the predictable comfortable future. Then we got bored. We missed city life. I missed SuperTarget. We wanted to move, and we wanted to move now. Forget snow, forget predictability, forget cheese and beer. Sold the house, quit the jobs, packed the pets, and to Texas we went. Austin, to be exact. We found home in September 2006. This city fits us and we don't plan to leave.
2007 dawned on us (Mandie & Jonathan) as a normal, happy, content mid-20-something couple. We toasted to a new year in Playa Del Carmen, totally oblivious to what the months ahead would bring or how they were about to change us. We knew kids were in our future (or, we sure hoped they were). Exactly when "our future" was was up for debate, "by 30" I would say, meaning "27". "Or 35" Jonathan would add, meaning "40". No hurry, but definitely an exciting prospect. Then March came, and a fun night out on 6th street, and exactly 2 weeks later I found myself shaking in the bathroom at 4am with a stick most definitely featuring two lines. Two pink, pregnant, life changing lines. NOW we'd done it! I immediately took to the mommy-to-be role, devouring 6 or so pregnancy books the day the test turned pink and immediately clearing the kitchen of any evil food that could possibly, theoretically hurt this new life (buh-bye, Diet Dew...see ya, feta cheese). And Jonathan, he came around when the hyperventilation slowed and he could see straight through his frightened tears. We had it all! Brand new house, a steady job (uh, his), young healthy parents.....November 27 couldn't come soon enough.
Sent to Megan in Spain to share the news:
The first appointment came and was a complete success. At 7 weeks, our little bean was alive and well, heart beating and right on schedule. The doc assured us it was time to relax, our chances of a healthy baby now looked very (very) good. Woo Hoo! Time to celebrate, right? After all, the books I had and the people I knew told me chances of a pregnancy loss after seeing that glorious little beating heart were so low, I had no cause for concern. I jumped off that exam table with visions of our fall baby alive and well. Extended families and friends (and grocery store cashiers) were told the news, as we were confident the newest Frazier was as close to a sure thing as could be.We continued. I was sick, and slept my days away, but was quick to point out it was all okay as long as the baby was okay. And we assumed he/she was. Until 4 weeks later. Without dragging out all the sordid, sad, and all too raw details, that little heart was no longer beating at 11 weeks. I say with all honesty that my life was divided laying there on that examination table that day (May 7, 2007). Before the loss (glorious naive joy) and after the loss (bitter sad reality).
The months that have followed, well, we've survived them. A tiny new kitten joined the crazy mix. More plants were planted than I knew were plantable. (See the nurturing trend? Thanks to my therapist, aka Mrs. Obvious, for pointing out my need to "mother" in a turbulant time.) My mom came to stay, Jonathan and I took a vacation to Hawaii, I took another to California, then another back home to WI. The travel helped. So did shopping. Ikea, Nordstrom, or amazon.com- no matter, as long as it momentarily filled that aching hole in my heart. In the back of my mind, though, I knew only one thing would improve this situation.... End Scene.
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