I'm not a happy little elf. Why? I've got a cold, thanks to a week of rainy weather with temps fluctuating from 80 to 40 every 12 hours. I'm not pregnant, so say the 3 bitchy, lilly white tests in my bathroom garbage (1 of which, and I don't know who did this, is smashed to bits.) I'm obviously PMSing. I'm horribly unprepared for the holidays. I'm still not packed for tomorrow's flight. I've clearly flopped as hostess to the in laws, seeing as how my holiday cheer is dampened by above mentioned cold and well, every dreadful event of this year has me relating more to the Grinch than Buddy the Elf. AAnd last, but certainly not least, I was forced into the worst conversation of my life this afternoon.
Behold, the conversation. The caller (here known as "He") is an old (not little old man old, way back when old) friend of the in laws. He and Father In Law were chatting, and apparently He requested to speak with me. Then He kicked me in the gut like a verbal ninja......
He: All excited and congratulatory...
"So, how far along are you now?"
Me: Awkward silence for a beat too long, wondering if my hearing is bad...
"Um....I'm not"
He: Not sensing my horrified tone...
"No! I SAID, how far along are you now?"
Me: Vomit rising...
"Yeah....um....I'm not"
He: Not getting it...
"OH! I thought you were pregnant?!"
Me: Wondering if he'd like me to draw a picture, a very gory, sad picture...
"Um...I was, now I'm not"
He: Finally sensing my awkwardness...
"Oh, uh, okay"
Me: Hands phone to Father In Law, goes into bathroom, sobs hysterically
Merry Christmas to you, too, Mr. He. Hope you can wash down that foot in your mouth with some tasty egg nog. I understand it's not exactly He's fault. He was obviously on the "tell" list but left off the "untell" list. He just didn't get the memo. But you'd think (wouldn't you?) that after "I'm not" number uno, he may have dropped it? Stammered out a quick apology and allowed the conversation to end a bit more gracefully.
*&^%$#@! How many more days left in this year? The Nyquil isn't helping my math skills, but we're getting closer to single digits with every dragging minute......
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7 comments:
Oh, Mandie, I'm so sorry about that phone conversation. We've all been through that, and it's so awkward and miserable. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Oh Mandie, I hate that you had to have that conversation. The year is almost over, just over two weeks left! Have a safe trip home!
Mr. He, you are a jackass, sir. :(
This year needs to be over, like now. I feel your pain and I hope we can get together and drink them away soon. Take care and I hope being at home for the holidays makes things a teensy bit better...
xxoo.
Dear Mr. He,
You are an asshole.
Love,
Mandie's online friend.
Oh my god, I just want to smack the stupid right off his face. What an ass.
Oh, that's awful.
He deserves not only a sack of coal in his stocking but a also a sack of poop!
Hope you feel better soon.
Hope you aren't freezing your eggs, um I mean, ass off in WI. Have a Merry Christmas and know the year is almost over.
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