a-chugga-chug-a

Not THAT kind of chugga chug! Although it is Friday night.... But no- a chugga chug of the heartbeat sort! Major excitement today. On a weak moment on Wednesday, I decided I absolutely positively had to have a doppler machine. They can be rented online for $20-40 per month, and as I thought ahead to the long, torturous month between my 12 week and 16 week appointments, I realized I'd need some reassurance. I'd tried to hold myself back, figuring it may cause more worry than excitement. But in my new, positive way of thinking- I hopped online and minutes later, it was on its way. And this morning, on my doorstep! I coulda kissed the UPS guy!

It didn't start off very well. I moved the listener-thingamabobber all over my gel caked stomach, and heard only my own (rapidly increasing) heart beat and lots of background digestive noise (thanks to that Cap'n Crunch breakfast, perhaps). The cats crouched nearby, taking turns having moments of bravery and sneaking toward the alien sounding machine, taking a verrrry cautious sniff, and retreating with haste back to the safety of the corner of the bed. After 10 minutes of searching, the worry crept in. See, I'd rented one of these things before. Back in my first pregnancy, I ordered one with so much excitement around 9 weeks. I couldn't wait to listen with J before bedtime, and just figured it would be a fun thing to do. I finally tried it out at the 10 week mark......nothing. At that time I was still blissfully naive and figured it was just too early, I'd bring it out the next week. Instead, I ended up packaging it back up in a Vicodin haze and slamming it out on the porch for pick up a few days after my D&C. So as I laid there today, the bad thoughts crept in. After taking a break, during which I chugged more water than it would take to fill a wading pool (they say a full bladder helps), I was back at it. Seconds later, THERE IT WAS! Clearly not my own (much slower around 70)- it was baby's!!! Chugging away at 170-178, way up on the high end. If you believe the old wive's tale (which, for what it's worth, I do not) that's firmly in "girl" range. Time will tell.

So, so exciting. Oddly enough, this feels more official to me than that 15,000 ultrasounds we've had so far. I can't explain why....but something about this makes me feel really pregnant. For me, it was much like the moment most women have when the second line appears on the stick. That "wow, we're going to have a baby, for real" rush. And wow, is that exciting.

Now, somebody hide that damn thing so I don't start carrying it around in my purse, just in case I get stuck in traffic or the line at Panera Bread is too long. Kidding.......