valentine's redemption

I'm not a Valentine's girl. It was all fun and games in elementary school. Build a cool cardboard mailbox adorned with construction paper hearts and glitter, diligently go down the class list addressing a valentine to each and every classmate in my best cursive (saving the grodiest looking valentine for Matt Kro, aka the booger picking kid), ending the day with a sugar high that sent shudders through the mommies in the carpool line. But in junior high, Valentine's Day turned into a "prettiest girl" contest where we all waited, breathless, to see who would gather the biggest bundle of carnations sent by fickle, squeaky voiced boys....I could just do without that kind of stress. Or carnations for that matter- the floral equivelant of beer can coozies and mullets doesn't exactly spell romance to me. Then came high school, and the disgraceful (albeit temporary) V-Day dumping from my tempermental high school boyfriend. Add in the fact that I don't look good in red, and that I have a general distaste for having my emotions manipulated by a greeting card company...just not my style. Then came Valentine's Day 2006, and the heartbreaking passing of my Grandma Rita. Put a fork in it. Done. Mark me firmly in the anti-V-Day camp.

However, I think that after today, I'll rethink my position. Something great happened today. Another ultrasound, another milestone passed, another peek at our rapidly growing little one! There were LEGS! In my belly! How weirdly fascinating is that? We saw a great heartbeat, a little wiggle, and our already over acheiving little embryo growing one day ahead of schedule. But before this, when I got to the doctor's office, they were clearly running behind. I got into an exam room and waited. And waited. And in that time, worry mounted. But then I thought, for the 10th time in one short morning, of my Grandma Rita. Strong doesn't touch the will this woman possessed. I know that today, of all days, she's watching over her loved ones. Reminding us not to be sad, not to dwell, not to waste a single day with worry when there's so much joy to be experienced. And I felt her there, in that quiet exam room, her trademark calmness bringing my heart rate down. And when the news was good (so good) I felt her spirit there, too. Patting my hand, rolling her eyes a bit at my tendency to panic, reminding me to keep the faith. The only tears I shed after my appointment were for her, or moreso, for me for missing her. Sadness that she won't be knitting an afghan for this baby, that I won't be calling her with this wonderful news of her first great grandchild. And since my radio is psychic lately, as I merged onto the interstate, on came the perfect song to turn the tears into sobs. Although my white, midwestern, conservative Grandma Rita had very little in common with Puff Daddy or his murdered pal Notorious B.I.G., the song still fits. That is, if you remove the whole "bust in the six, shop for new clothes and kicks" business (since neither I nor my grandmother, nor anyone from the state of North Dakota for that matter, would even know how to begin to "bust in a six"). So on this Valentine's Day, I rethink my position. Not on carnations, not on Hallmark's reign of terror....but on the possibility of sunshine on an otherwise gray sky day. On the power of hope, of love, of Rita-sized strength. And I send up my love- to Grandma Rita, to Turkey baby, to Grover. XOXO. And yes....Happy Valentine's Day.

It's kind of hard wit you not around
Know you in heaven smilin' down
Watchin' us while we pray for you
Everyday we pray for you
Till the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe
.............
Still can't believe you're gone
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still livin' your life after death
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day
Every time I pray I'll be missing you
Thinking of the day
When you went away
What a life to take
What a bond to break
I'll be missing you
Somebody tell me why
One day morning
When this life is over
I know I'll see your face
Every night I pray
Every step I take
Every move I make
Every single day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSYswqi9ZhQ